Thank you, dear friend for allowing me to play a small role in your life over 2020. We’ve had a crazy year, haven’t we?

Thank you for keeping your heart open during a time you could have slammed it shut and bolted the door. Thank you for respecting the fact that people’s views are their own, and that we’re all on a journey of knowing God, self and others. I know in many cases when you felt you wanted to push and shove your way into people’s thoughts and decisions, you didn’t. You held back, knowing, that’s not love. 

Well done.

Thank you for loving people so well—your siblings, your parents, your spouse, children, coworkers and even your enemies—even when they completely disagreed with you. Thank you for remembering, “God is over all and in all and working through all” and that God allows all kinds of crazy things to occur. Thanks for remembering you cannot care more than God does. 

Thank you for staying engaged in discussions. For not being a jerk on social media. For not writing people off or walking away from it all.

Thank you for staying the course. 

Thank you for fighting a good and worthy fight.

Thank you for being creative, resourceful and for persevering. Thank you for hoping. Thank you for encouraging. 

My life is better because of you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The great German reformer, Martin Luther told one man, “You should never touch a drop of alcohol.” Then turned to the man sitting beside him and said, “You, on the other hand, need a drink!”

Luther was living out one of the apostle Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians:

“I have the right to do anything,” you say – but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” – but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, “The earth is the Lords, and everything in it.”

If an unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. (Jesus challenged the Dietary laws.) But if someone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” (something very common at the time this was written) then do not eat it, both for the sake of the one who told you and for the sake of conscience. I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:23-31).

Freedom for the sake of love. For the sake of others. For the sake of God’s glory. I can do this or refrain. As I genuinely love, I’m free to choose.

Exactly what kind of God is this? 

I’m real because God is so real.
~Nancy

Pretty freeing, huh? The great theologian, Augustine of Hippo said that: Love God and do whatever you please.

Wait, what? Did you say, do whatever I please?

My pastor mentioned this in a sermon a few weeks ago. I applaud him for his guts. He’s someone who can take the punches (oh, and have the punches come in this season of fear). Scaredy-cat Christians find language like this far too reckless.

• Vote however I please? Yep, but make sure you love God first.

• Talk however I please? Yes, but make sure you love God first.

• Spend money however I please? Yep, but make sure you love God first.

• Parenting? Choosing a job? Picking a partner? Anything, anything I please? You got it. Just make sure it starts with loving God, then go from there.

The lynchpin that holds this together is once you’ve begun to get a clue about just how much God loves and wants you, you can’t help but love God back. 

And when you do, you morph into the person you really are. The one before brokenness crept in and distorted your glorious pre-fallen form. The truly loved lover.

Then expect this: there’ll be a wide range of colorful opportunities to express that love. It won’t be coercive, demanding or cookie-cutter, I promise you that. ”Whatever you please” will be varied. It’ll be risky, reckless, and unexpected. 

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

I’m real because God is so real.
~Nancy

It’s Election Day! Wow, what an intense few months we’ve had leading up to this day. I hope you’re exercising your right to vote today if you haven’t already. As I consider the deep division in our country and churches, this has been on my mind… 

Recently I was away for the weekend and spoke to an extremely accomplished, thoughtful woman who reminded me that with every online click, information is honed and narrowed—perfectly suited to you. Your current beliefs about, well, anything - career, culture, hobbies, passions. Everything coming at you online is highly tailored to reinforce where and who you are.

Our echo-chambers are getting more strongly reinforced. 

So, when we listen (oh, if we could just listen) to another view unlike our own, we really do think, “What planet are you from? ‘Cause how on earth could you think/believe that?” 

Well you can see how. We really are living in our own little, self-made worlds. And often we don’t even know it. By now you probably realize we were discussing the HOT documentary, .

I gazed at concerned faces around the table where we sat outside amidst changing colors of fall foliage and leaves, until someone said, “I don’t even know what news to watch or read anymore. It’s just all so slanted. How can we break out? Where can we get the truth?”

Well, it’s not on FOX News, honey. It’s not on CNN, baby.

These outrageously charged political times may have you smugly thinking you have a monopoly on truth. Respectfully, you really don’t. Not the Republicans. Not the Democrats. We’re all caught in the middle of a dilemma. Neither you nor I hold the monopoly on full and complete truth. God alone holds that. And have confidence in this: in the final analysis, truth will always stand. In the meantime—and particularly today during the election and the tense days to follow—here are three ways to avoid the truth dilemma:

1. Stay open. Listen to wise people whose views differ from your own. 

2. Pray and ask God to reveal truth. 

3. Stay close to the One who holds absolute truth, who not only speaks and disseminates truth, but in fact self-identifies as Truth. Jesus. I don’t know another being on the planet who made such an audacious claim. Read the gospels again. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John’s accounts of Jesus will help ground you again.

Thomas said to him, ”Lord,…how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I am the way, the truth and the life…” ( John 14:6).

These days, I’m in desperate need of these things. How ‘bout you?

This is part four of the October devotion series. If you missed the previous three, you can catch them here. Week one: Do You Know God Loves You?, week two: Does God Really Love Me?, and week three: Internalizing God’s Love for All People.

Years ago, this story from a book I’ve referred to oh, so many times, impacted and stuck with me. It’s from Philip Yancey’s pictorial version of, What’s So Amazing About Grace? 

These days, I’m regularly practicing just soaking in the point of this short story. I pray you do too.

At a seminar, Brennan Manning referred to Jesus’ closest friend on earth, the disciple named John, identified in the Gospels as ”the one Jesus loved.” 

Manning said, “If John were to be asked, ‘What is your primary identity in life?’ he would not reply, ‘I am a disciple, an apostle, an evangelist, an author of one of the four Gospels,’ but rather, ‘I am the one Jesus loves.’”

What would it mean, I ask myself, if I too came to the place where I saw my primary identity in life as “the one Jesus loves”? How differently would I view myself at the end of the day?

Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you become what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible’s astounding words about God’s love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God sees?”  (What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey)

I am the one Jesus loves.

You are.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7).

If you’re a Christian and you exclude people based on particular sins—your pet issues—you struggle with taking in the love of God. You do. 

You say, “grace and mercy for me,“ around materialism, gossip, racism. Then turn around and say to another in some form or fashion, “law and judgement for you!” based on the sin issues you find abhorrent.

Pause and ask yourself: where do I turn up my nose, exclude or wince in disgust?

Oh, how far you are from internalizing the love God has for all people. 

And it starts with a deep misunderstanding of how much God loves you. 

You and I are the same, dear friend. I have my issues of over activism. You have your issues of hatred. Both are signs that we don’t get it. They’re signs that we struggle to receive the lavished love God the Father has poured out to us through the living, dying, rising work of Christ Jesus. Such unfathomable love! 

Tell God your lack of understanding. Tell Him it’s too much for you to get your head around. Tell Him you don’t yet get it. But you want to.

When I wake up in the middle of the night I pray. Over the years, I’ve trained myself to recite, mutter, meditate on portions of Scripture I’ve memorized, or song lyrics locked in my mind that I pray back to God, until I fall back to sleep.

Recently, God’s shown me something through this midnight time: “Nancy, you express your love for me so much. And I love it! I love your heart and your passion for me. And, I. Love. You.”

If you whip past this, you’ll miss it like I so easily can. 

“I know that all love originates with you, Lord,” I’ll tell Him, as if I’m in an oral quiz, or, if I’m more open, a curious child.

“No. You often start with your love for me, dear one.” I sense Him gently push back.

Hmmm…

And a sign that I may not quite have grasped the love of God as deeply as I thought is that I often try so hard to make sure, by what I say and how I say it (often with pleading or passion and fervor—not bad things of course, but notable when dialoguing with God about it), and by the activity in my life.

“Am I needing to prove my love to you, Lord? Look, look at me. Look how much I love you, Lord!”

The apostle John wrote, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us…”(1 John 4:10).

I’ve begun deliberately zeroing in on God’s love for me. I am loved. You are loved. “Not that [I] loved you, God, but that you loved me….”

It blows me away.

And I confess: I struggle to start there. With God. (How I want it to start with me. And how I want to try so hard to prove and dazzle and…) Maybe my resistance is because I don’t actually want to confront my deepest fear: does God really, really love me?

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us…

If I ask, “Does God love you?” generally, if you’ve had some experience with the God of the Bible (God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit), the answer will be a resounding, “Yes! Yes, God loves me!” 

And you’d be correct. He loves you more than you know.

But then we live our lives and in truth, we demonstrate, Oh, so it turns out, in actuality, I don’t really—at my core—believe it.

There are signs pointing to the reality that we don’t really believe what the apostle John wrote, “This is how much God loved the world… (John 3:16 The Message). John goes on to describe the “this”—the unfathomable lengths God has gone to express His love to you. To me. (I’ll talk about that another time.)

But if God loves us with an unfathomable love, a love beyond measure, it’d sure be good to know it. I mean really take it in.

So, how do you know when you don’t actually believe God loves you? And more importantly, what do we do when we discover we haven’t internalized the love of God the way He deeply desires us to experience His boundless, demonstrative love? 

Let’s start here. Let this wash over you today:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:37-39).

You are so loved, dear friend. Take it in.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 NIV

Peer pressure isn’t for kids alone. We parents feel it, too. 

When we moved to the Philadelphia area in 2002, David and Aaron were 9 and 7. I’d help out in the schools a bit and found the mothers anxious about getting their kids’ homework done. Literally telling me they were anxious about getting lil’ Zen’s science project done. (Confirmed by Parents’ Nights when Cam and I would walk around the schools and see our sons’ projects pale in comparison to the other kids’ work, clearly done, or at least strongly aided by, their parents.)

Another example: One mother actually tried to get me to hold back one son of mine, since my boys started school earlier in Canada. She reasoned: my son “should” actually now be in her son’s grade (and with her son, which she would have preferred since her son didn’t have a brother like mine did, and I should fix this for her–not kidding).

And we feel it don’t we? And still, here’s the dig-deep tip:

Tip: Stay in your family lane

Pay attention to what your family needs. Pay attention to what each of your children needs.

If your friends are all putting their kids in school,  but you sincerely believe/feel that what’s best for your child, your family, is to keep them home, do your thing. Keep them home. Stay in your family lane—unless you’re super rigid, and be honest about that. Are you like, “I will not bend no matter what!” out of fear, control, stubbornness?

Look at what others are doing, listen and learn. Pray for strength to make a good and fitting decision for your family. And do that.

Shake off the peer pressure to conform to everyone else’s lanes and demands. Stay strong and carry on.

Dig Deep Mama! You got this.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 NIV

You know your life. You know your schedule. Right now as decisions are being made you still hold the authority as the mother (maybe with another parent) to decide what stays and what goes. These children have been given to you for this time. It’s unprecedented. Don’t treat this time as inconvenient and something simply to get through. Harness it. 

When my boys were young and parenting was my main role, here’s what helped me:

Tip: Keep it simple.  

My high recommendation is to do the work of simplifying your life right now. As much as you’re able, keep it simple. To illustrate:

1. Get up. Get showered. Get dressed. This is basic, dear woman. Get the children to do the same. Oh, sure you can break this pattern on occasion – jammies all day, breakfast for dinner and all that – but a simple, reliable pattern is key.

2. Let the light in. Get the lights on. Open the drapes or blinds, and while you’re at it, open the windows for fresh air. 

Pretty simple, right? Next:

3. Have structure with flexibility.  

Set parameters around things. Remember: You are the mother. You hold the position and the authority, not lil’ Madigan. She needs your guidelines. Craves them, in fact. But don’t go overboard. She doesn’t need to be smothered or straightjacketed by controlling rigidity.

Every day, (or most days, depending on your workload) think: I get to develop my children physically, academically (mind), artistically (creative) and spiritually. This was a simple structure I lived by. Examples: Creative development could be – “Today, we’re taking a walk in the rain without umbrellas. What does it smell like? Feel like? What do you hear?” Spiritual development could be – “I know we always clear our own plates after dinner, but Aaron, would you please serve the family tonight and clear everyone’s dishes?” (Service is a huge spiritual principle.)

4. Create margin. If you’re a worker bee or a type-A personality, you may need to think about margin. Maybe you’re trying to do too much. Margin is a beautiful thing. Extra space to allow for spills, tears and spontaneous snuggles. For your sanity sake, maybe now’s not a good time for the planning of a family reunion or a renovation. Maybe now’s not a good time to go back to school or to change jobs, unless you’re forced to, in which case, what will you remove from your calendar to make that a priority? There’s only so many hours gifted to us each day.

Keeping it simple doesn’t mean you let it all go. Pick a couple of things from this brief list, and keep it simple.

Dig Deep, mama! You got this.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 NIV

Tip Three: Hold It Together in Front of the Kids

When Cam and I were young parents to David and Aaron, we had differing views around what our kids should and should not see as it related to lots of things, but in particular our conflict. I for one, believed our children should see us have conflict now and again, and (here’s the key): resolution. I wanted them to know the truth about family and marriage and relationships. Healthy conflict is normal. And resolution is divine. 

Cam felt (mostly because he had never–I mean never!–witnessed conflict in his family of origin), that our children should absolutely never see us have conflict. How did we resolve this, uh, conflict?

We grew to appreciate that our views differed about what conflict could look like. On the frustration/clash continuum I was more likely to let the boys see beyond what they probably needed to see or know at varying ages and stages. You really don’t need to show them all of it, ‘cause it can get ugly, right?

And Cam was, as you might guess, on the other end of the continuum. Show them nothing to upset them or cause them to feel insecure or unsettled. 

We moved toward each other and found a happy medium: We tried to be wise about what they saw and heard of our aggravations.

And sometimes we did better than others.

But here’s the thing: You don’t get to do what you feel you want to. You are the parent. You are the mother. 

Your job is to hold it together in front of those children–to a large extent–not telling them everything you feel and fear. You are the parent. They are looking to you. And too much display of your frustration will in fact, cause them unnecessary stress and anxiety, particularly during these times of far too much stress and anxiety in the world.

That said, at times, you could just scream! You could just hit something! 

Ok, so here’s the tip: Hold it together.

Hold it together in front of the kids by:

1. Say: God help me!  (Say it inside or quietly out loud.) God help me.

2. Breathe (long, slow, deep breath. You know this, but do you do it?)

Then, at times if those don’t calm you down,

1. Go somewhere and let it rip!  Go somewhere–the back yard, for a walk, to your bedroom, a closet, the car–and scream! Yell! Get it out. You may need to grab a pillow or a punching bag or whatever you’ve got that you won’t damage and let it rip physically, too!

And if you have a child that needs to do it, give that child permission to go into their own private space and do the same. Give them something soft to use so they won’t hurt themselves or anything (or anyone) else. 

It’s unrealistic to think that at these times, you don’t need a good release. Just hold it together in front of the kids.

Dig Deep, Mama! You got this.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 NIV

Tip Two: Your Child Needs

Are you a mother of school age children or do you know one? Each week for 5 weeks only, my devotions, short videos and LIVE (Facebook and Instagram) on Tuesdays will be devoted to you: moms of school-age kids. 

I want you to hit the ground strengthened for the fall and help you navigate another uncertain and ever-changing season. Moms, you got this! You do. And I’m going to spend a few weeks helping you get stronger than ever.

Last week in the , we talked about FUELING UP. I reminded you that this work of raising kids is wildly fierce and worthy work. I gave the example from the Hellenistic times of the Spartans, who had a whole breeding program. They chose the strongest women to marry and be the mothers. Why? Because they knew these mothers would raise fierce and formidable men. 

That was approximately 400- 300 BC. Today, I like to think of myself as a Spartan woman! We are  moms who are strong, educated and able, ready to raise fierce formidable men and women.

I gave you two tips: 1. Take time (for yourself), and 2. Ask for what you need. . 

Today’s tip: Your child needs.

When I was giving birth to my sons, David and Aaron, well over 20 years ago, I knew it would be painful. I didn’t relish the thought of pushing babies out of my body through a small opening. But, instead of focusing on my pain, (and yeah, of course I was jolted into the reality of my pain plenty of times), I focused on what it was like for David and Aaron to be uncomfortable as they made their way down the birth canal, out of my body, and WHOP! into a cold, harsh, loud, uncertain world. Putting my focus on them as I was in labor, caused me to care for them (even as I was in crazy pain), and rev up my motherly moxy to help them make it through!

You may be feeling right now like your child is missing out. They need their friends. They need their schools and it should look like this. They need _________. Go ahead, fill in the blank. 

But here’s the truth: God (and you may not believe this part, but I’ll believe it for you) has allowed your child to be in this place and they’re not missing out on anything they truly need right now. No really—they’re not missing out on anything they truly need.

Your child needs you. Your child needs a meal with a family (even if it’s you and the child only) together. Your child needs independence. Your child needs to be bored and discover what creativity may be born out of that boredom. Your child needs quiet time to continue to discover who they are. They need to be still at times and listen. 

Your child has everything they need within reach. They really do.

Dig deep, mama. You got this.

“For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.” 1 Corinthians 4: 20

We all get this. Even if you don’t get what “kingdom of God” means exactly, you get “not a matter of talk but power,” right? Every one of us has been in a situation where the words are coming out of someone—your spouse, your parent, your national leader, your spiritual leader, yourself—and you’re feeling like it’s just talk, talk, talk. But we don’t want talk. We want action!

God does too. 

Let’s be clear: the kingdom of God, which Jesus came to not just talk about but bring about, can also be referred to as the reign or realm of God. Anywhere you see dead that comes alive is where God rules. Simply put: What was upside down has turned right side up.

And when this happens, it’s powerful!

• Your daughter has speech impediments. Then her tongue is released and she speaks fluently. The kingdom has come in power.

• A marriage on the verge of ruin is reconciled. The kingdom has come in power.

• Your addiction to pornography is finally acknowledged, dealt with, and you’re free. The kingdom has come in power.

The kingdom of God is not about talk. Rhetoric is bogus without action. Jesus was like, “Save your breath” to the religious leaders. Talk is cheap. But action that brings a real change requires power.

If you’re anything like me, you can barely sit still when you hear cheap talk. Showy, annoying talk. Flashy talk that lacks power. Transformational kingdom power is what we’re really after.

I want that. And nothing less.

So how do we get it? 

Ask for it. 

“God, turn my words into action.” 
“Turn my words into Your words and ignite them, O God.”
“Let this action—large or small—be infused with kingdom power.” 

Then move out, walking the talk, and trusting God to bring the power.

I’m real because God is so real.
~Nancy

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

I took some time for myself last month. Thanks to the great people who work with me, I was able to pull back, heal, and refuel, while the ministry continued to grow to impact lives.

Here’s how I knew I wasn’t doing well:

• I’d wake up every day and feel like, “Oh, I’m so tired. Here we go again.” (So NOT me!)

• I had the urge to run. “I want to just run away,” I told Cam a few times.

• I kept “hitting the wall” with my work. 

• I’d cry. A lot. 

Despite the fact that I’d stayed connected to God through prayer, the scriptures, and community, the loss of speaking due to COVID-19 (I love being with people and I love speaking/teaching!), COVID-19’s intrinsic and ongoing disruption, and my David’s health all took more of a toll on me than I’d realized.

Oh, and how’s David, you may be wondering. Here’s an update: 

In mid-July, David finished his sixth round of chemotherapy for the third tumor they’d found. David is scheduled now for surgery on August 25 to remove the tumor on his liver. His summer’s been spent caring for his body and soul while living with us here in Pennsylvania and working remotely for a judge in New York. When not working, he reflects and is at peace. He’s just so powerfully peaceful.

Watching David walk this journey has been deeply moving for me. You know how, as you watch, you learn from those kids, lessons that last the rest of your life? It’s just so true! Just watch your kid some time—infant, toddler, or adult—just watch them without correcting and critiquing.

Maybe they’re your sister’s or friend’s kids but just watch. Really watch and notice. Pay attention to how they move. How they breathe. How they hiccup and stare. Watch how they come to you sleepy and needy, then silly and sassy!

Watch them grow in every way. Hair, hands, height, shoulders, feet. Heart, mind, personality, and perspective. Just watch all their being expand.

The tears and groans I had in me are for my once little boy, now man. I’m watching him walk his journey with God, and, as his mother, I have nothing to do but watch. Oh, sure I can pray and serve, but mostly I’m just watching.

Just watching and hoping and waiting for God.

In what area of your life are you doing the same?

I’m real because God is so real.
~Nancy

So I’ve wondered if one of the reasons  is because I have not yet truly taken in the gift God has so generously offered. 

It’s a good time to pay attention to little habits, or outright bold beliefs, that not only shape our everyday life but also may reveal something far more important.

How do you feel about owing someone something?

If someone does a kindness, do you feel you “should” pay them back? Someone offers you the last bit of soup in a delicious pot of New England clam chowder they’ve successfully sold all day—for free. “You’re hungry. It’s the end of the day and we’re closing up anyway. Take the chowder and the chips—on me.” This happened to me a  while back, and I felt the need to give something, but the two guys behind the counter wouldn’t take a thing.

Think about regular gatherings where you signed up to bring food. Is there ever a time you’d show up empty-handed? Given the choice, would you A) go empty-handed, because this time you just couldn’t pull it together—you were too stretched, too tired, too overwhelmed, too late—or B) not go at all? (I would NEVER show up empty-handed!) 

I’m not talking about those whose habit it is to always take the handouts and always show up empty-handed (I pray that’s not you, but if it is, this devotional is NOT for you). 

I’m talking to you who may feel or articulate: I pull my weight. I will not owe people—my friends, my siblings, my neighbors. I don’t do indebtedness. 

If that’s you—always the giver, always the benevolent one, always in the seat of generosity—like me, you’re in danger.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8,9).

You may think, Oh, that’s different. I know I can’t buy my way into God’s favor. I know everything I am and have is only by the generosity and grace—undeserved favor—of God. I know tha-at.

No, you don’t.

And neither do I.

If we generally live as I described with the people we can see, how much more do we, down deep, live like that when it comes to the God we can’t see! It’s highly likely you, like I, don’t quite understand that God is the giver. God won’t be bought. Our actions reveal just how uncomfortable we are receiving this kind of outrageous grace. We think, or live, I have to contribute something. Look, I have this to offer.

And God will have none of it. 

It is all a gift.

This week, see if you’re like me in this struggle. Try receiving the offer for help, the food, the invitation. See how that feels. Is it uncomfortable? Can you even do it? And talk to God about what you discover. 

I’m real because God is so real.
~Nancy