In the final episode of the Better Communication series, we’re talking about something that seems simple, but it’s actually not: saying what you mean, and then living it out. Why is that so important? Because when we don’t do what we say we will,, it severs those bonds of trust between us. And when was the last time you saw a relationship thrive on broken trust? Nancy and guest Cece Jones-Davis, an ordained minister and social justice activist who practices what she preaches, dive into how we can line up what we say with what we do. Nancy and Cece talk about how to translate your words into actions, and why taking the time to communicate in ways that are mindful of who we are builds authenticity, and creates trust and connection with those around us.

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Show Summary

Hi there, Nancy Hicks here. Welcome back to So What? Why It Matters. 

Today we're bringing you our last episode in the Better Communications series. I'm excited because we've been able to bring you people like Shawn Killinger from QVC, who I worked with for years, who helped us understand better listening skills. I loved talking to Morgan Harper Nichols about staying open and curious. And what about Andy Crouch and his discussion around technology today and how we engage in the sphere that I call “the modern marketplace”? 

So today we're turning our thoughts and our attention towards something that sounds simple, but it's anything but. We're talking about how to say what you mean and live it. Let me put it another way. It's walking the walk, not just talking the talk. 

Now, you might be thinking, Nancy, why are you talking about the things we do? Isn't communication about the things that we say? Well, yes and no. Don't forget, the biggest “So What?” for becoming a good communicator is forging connections with people, because God made us for connection. And God did that so that we could love each other and take care of each other while we're here.

And, of course, taking the example of “I love you.” I love you is not just words we say. I love you is about verbs. And there needs to be congruency here. 

So you've had this happen, right? Someone's pontificating about God, they're quoting scripture out the wazoo, you see this on social media, but there's such anger, there's such emotional and spiritual schizophrenia happening. You're like, Wait a second, you're saying you're all about women in leadership roles in the church. You're all about it, but by your actions—or inaction—are you sure about that? Are you sure you're all about women in leadership roles in the church? 

It's hard living up to that standard sometimes because, of course, we're human. We say what it means to love someone. We say that we're for or against certain things. 

But here's the thing: we often know what we're supposed to say. We know we should give our time and our service and our dollars to the people and causes we care about. But sometimes we don't feel like doing those things. Sometimes it's just because we're tired or overwhelmed or burned out. And in our better moments, we say things like, “I'm your friend, I'm your advocate, I'm your ally, I want to help.” But when we're called to step up in that person's moment of need, it might not be very convenient for us. And we just don't show up. Our actions just don't back up our words. 

In those moments when what we say doesn't line up with what we do, we sever the bonds of trust. And we become disconnected and untethered from one another, because when we don't have those bonds in place, we just drift. I don't want that for me and I don't want that for you.

What does it look like to be a person who says what they mean—and then does it? What are the sacrifices of that kind of life, and how does living with that kind of integrity help our relationships with each other blossom and grow? My guest today is someone who is going to help us unpack all of that. Her name is Cece Jones-Davis. And listen, she is a woman of integrity. She's incredible. 

Cece is an ordained minister. She's an advocate for women and girls and for criminal justice reform. She's a gifted singer and worship artist. In fact, she just put out a beautiful new album called Alive, which is upbeat and life-giving, and don't we need that right now? And on top of all that, she's a wife, she's an entrepreneur, and a mother of two adorable kids: a little girl named Halo and a little boy named Honor. 

Cece is the epitome of saying what you mean, then taking actionable steps to live it out. So let's get going. Here's my conversation with Cece Jones-Davis.

So What? Moments

Cece Jones- Davis 

What we say impacts how people feel. What we say either builds or tears down what we say. So what? Because we are souls living in a body, and words have impacts on people's souls all day long, every day. And so we want the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts to be acceptable unto God, because they do have such an impact on our witness, and on the lives of people that we know and don't know.

Nancy

My takeaway, based on what Cece has shared about telling the truth, is to pause a little bit more, and make sure I'm not just saying something to fill the space, but using the words to convey truth—and then actually live it out, which proves that I really did mean what I said. It proves the truth. 

Thought-Provoking Quotes

“I think there is value in stepping back from what some of us have been kind of taught culturally and institutionally to say, ‘Okay, do I want to be nice, or do I want to be good? Do I want to be nice, or do I want to be authentic?’” - Cece Jones-Davis 

“I think that we have to adopt, particularly as women, a different kind of language, and kind of divorce ourselves from so many of our social expectations to be nice, nice, nice all the time about everything. In actuality, so much of that is really hollow, right? So much of that is really not adding to or building meaningful relationships at all.” - Cece Jones-Davis

“There has to be language that helps us build boundaries in a kind way. And so instead of saying, ‘Oh yeah, I'll be there,’ and not showing up, being willing and able to say, ‘You know what? I can't promise you that I'll be there. My heart will be with you even if my body is not.’” - Cece Jones-Davis 

“‘I don't know’ is one of the most authentic real statements I think we could ever make.” - Cece Jones-Davis 

“I think it's okay for us to admit sometimes that we are still grappling with some things. We are still, as followers of Christ, trying to learn how to become more and more and more like Christ.” - Cece Jones-Davis 

“I think it's so important for people to understand that what you mean is not as important as how the person feels about what was said.” - Cece Jones-Davis  

“In most instances, I would say actions speak louder than words. But sometimes if the action is correct but the words around the action are not what they should be, then a lot of times the action itself is diminished.” - Cece Jones-Davis 

“On a children's level, integrity just simply means—and this is what I try to teach my kids all the time—do what you say you're going to do. And if you can't do it, communicate that you can't do it.” - Cece Jones-Davis 

 “We think we have a corner of the market—we’ve [Christians] cornered the market on truth—when God alone holds absolute truth. You and I have to be very humble before God, and be careful with what we say to one another in the church, to what we say to others beyond the church walls, so that we really are telling the truth.” - Nancy Hicks 

"When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou

Where to Find Cece

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

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